diagnosis

Generalized Anxiety Disorder, or GAD, is an anxiety disorder that is characterized by excessive and uncontrollable worry about everyday things. The frequency, intensity, and duration of the worry are disproportionate to the actual source of worry, and such worry often interferes with daily functioning.

This what my Doctor dignosed me with today...I was just going in to get the results of my blood test (something completely rutine and normal). She said everything with the tests was normal, but she wanted to talk to me about something that I had said the last time I was there (2 weeks ago)...I worry about everything...that was what I had said to her . And that triggered something in her head...which is good I suppose. It means I have managed to not only find a doctor accepting new patients, but one that genuinely is taking an interest in my health...

What followed was a series of questions: How do I sleep? (poorly) Do I get headaches? (often) Am I in a relationship? (yes) How is that? (not the greatest because of distance) Is my job stressful? (yes...a lot) Do I have panic attacks? (no, I don't think so) How is my memory? (Pretty good) Do I have trouble concentrating? (on everything bot procrastinating) Is there a history of depression/mental illness/alcoholism in my family? (yes/not sure/yes) Do I have muscle tension (my massage therapist could tell you horror stories!)... Had I ever thought that all these things might be related? (ummm...no, I guess not really)...Turns out they are...Generalized Anxiety Disorder...an imbalance of brain chemicals... and a trial solution...anti-depressant medication.

I'm not a fan of psychopharmacology as a general rule... and the idea od taking happy pills to deal with my problems sort of freaks me out to be honest...Dr. I covered that...she told me not to think of it as being crazy or unstable...it's more like Diabetes...my body is not producing enough of something I need (or too much of something that neutralizes it really) and my quality of life is suffering because of it...so I agreed to take the pills for two weeks and see what happens...

I don't want to be a pill popper for the rest of mylife...it scares me, it depresses me (yes, my anti-depressants are depressing me!), and I don't think I like it.

I have told my boyfriend (who wasn't really all that supportive even though it was his idea I get a new Dr in the first place), and my sister...

The phamasist that filled my prescription suggested I keep a record of how I'm feeling throughout the course of the medication...emotions, physical feelings, side effects...she said just write it all down...that's what this blog is...my happy pill journal!